Saturday, February 24, 2018
Sword vs Mace
GM: The enormous shadow monster begins terrorizing the village, gobbling down the fleeing populace, wrecking buildings, and sowing death, destruction, and chaos. Roll initiative.
GM: All right, you guys move first.
Paladin: I draw my sword and charge up to the--!
Knight: Whoa, whoa, wait. You should let me use my mace instead.
Paladin: What? Why?
Knight: Because my mace does more damage.
Paladin: But my sword has a higher chance of dealing a critical!
GM: Uh, you know you could both--
Knight: We need to take this thing down hard and fast! We can't just rely on scoring a few lucky shots.
Paladin: News flash! We're using dice! All our shots are lucky!
Paladin: Besides, this is probably going to be a long battle. In the long run, I'll deal more damage on average.
Knight: Oh yeah? Have you checked your math on that?
Paladin: Prove me wrong!
Knight: Fine! You got a calculator?
Knight: Wait, what are you doing?
GM: The monster takes another swipe, knocking over more buildings. Screams of pain and terror split the night sky.
Paladin: Wait, stop! It's still our turn!
GM: You took too long, so the monster took its turn. Now, are you going to make a move?
Knight: Fine! You going to let me use my mace, or is your pride going to cost us even more lives?
Paladin: My pride?! You were the one who--!!
Knight: Besides, a mace is probably more effective anyway. It might have a resistance to slashing damage.
Paladin: How could you possibly know that?!
Knight: How do you know it isn't? For all you know, you could end up making things worse!
Paladin: Oh, for the--!! Forget it. I'm attacking. I draw my sword and--!
Knight: I block him!
Knight: I step in front of him and parry his sword with my mace.
GM: You guys are on the same--!
Knight: Yes! Blocked!
GM: Sigh... *dice rolling* The monster takes yet another swipe. More innocent lives lost. Now what do you do?
Paladin: That's it. I'm attacking!
GM: Good. The monster turns to face you and--
Paladin: Not the monster. Him!
Paladin: As long as he keeps interfering, that monster's going to keep killing!
GM: The monster is already killing!
Knight: Fine! All I wanted to do was take a minute to size up our enemy and make sure we do this right! But since getting your way is clearly more important to you--!
GM: Why don't you just both attack the thing?!
Knight: No, he'll probably get in the way and cause more damage.
Paladin: There's no place for his arrogance on the battle field!
GM: Sigh... fine. Roll for attack. *dice rolling* Meanwhile, the monster smashes another building and begins devouring its inhabitants. More screaming. More death...