True Love Triangle

 

In works of fiction, it is very common to have one character in love with two others, or visa versa. This trope is so common in fact, that it has it's own name: "love triangle". At the risk of sounding pedantic though, it's usually not a true triangle. While there may be three points (one character and their two love interests), there are only two sides: one connecting the character with one love interest, and another connecting them with the other love interest. If there is any relationship between the two love interests, it is often characterized by jealousy, competition, disdain, or sometimes even hatred. That is, of course, the point of authors employing the love triangle: it's a very easy narrative device for generating conflict and driving the story.

God's love, however, works differently. This isn't to criticize the use of such a narrative device in fiction, nor to diminish the conflicts that can arise from similar scenarios in real-life. It's simply a reminder that when we strive to follow the great commandment, we are edified and drawn closer together.

The admonition for one to "love thy God, and thy neighbor as thyself" supplies us with the three points of our "True Love Triangle". The first two are obvious: love God and love thy neighbor. However, loving them "as thyself" implies the need to actually love oneself. After all, if we don't love ourselves, then loving God or our neighbor "as ourselves" doesn't actually mean much. To be clear, I am not referring to the prideful, narcissistic "self-love"that causes one to see themselves as superior to others. Rather, I am referring to love like God has for us.

This three-way relationship of love between God, our neighbor, and ourselves produces a beautiful harmony in which strengthening any one point of the triangle simultaneously strengthens the other two:

• The more we love God, the easier it is to love ourselves, because we'll feel closer to Him and see ourselves as He sees us: someone worthy of love.
• The more we love God, the easier it is to love our neighbor, because we internalize God-like attributes such as mercy, patience, and generosity.
• The more we love our neighbor, the easier it is to love God, because loving and serving our neighbor is one way to demonstrate our love for God (see Matthew 25:40, Mosiah 2:17).
• The more we love our neighbor, the easier it is to love ourselves, because showing love for others makes us feel good about ourselves.
• The more we love ourselves, the easier it is to love God, because dark thoughts of self-doubt will be diminished, which could otherwise distract us from thinking of God.
  
• The more we love ourselves, the easier it is to love our neighbor, because taking care of ourselves grants us the health and strength we need to serve others.

So if we are ever finding it difficult to feel love for God, ourselves, or those around us, we may find it easier to start with another point of the triangle. The more we sincerely express love, the more love we will be able to feel in turn.

Greater Love

During His final moments with his apostles, Jesus taught, "love one another, as I have loved you" (John 15:12). To be clear, He didn't just instruct us to love one another, but to do so as He loved us. How exactly did He love us? He declares in the very next verse, "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." Not long after this, He would indeed lay down His life for all of mankind.

Not everyone is called upon to die in order to save the life of another. Relatively few will even have the opportunity. But there are other ways one might lay down his or her life for their friends. Any time we sacrifice our time, talents, and resources to help another, we are laying down a piece of ourselves to give to another.

This Valentine's Day, remember that the truest expression of love is giving of oneself, just as Christ, the greatest of all, gave of Himself for us.

Those who love

 

This was a commission someone ordered for a friend. God often blesses His children through others. So by showing love and kindness to others, we are doing His work. ♥

Rod of Correction

Some have interpreted this verse and others like it (e.g. Proverbs 13:24) as a justification--if not admonition--to use corporal punishment to discipline children. There is evidence in the scriptures that this is indeed a valid interpretation (such as Proverbs 23:13-14, which explicitly mentions beating children with a rod in order to save them from hell). I would, however, offer the following considerations when it comes to how followers of God should discipline our children.

First, it's important to remember that God uses language that His people will understand. At the time that the Proverbs were written, that included a reference to corporal punishment. Corporal punishment includes all methods of deliberately inflicting pain or discomfort in order to discourage bad behavior, though usually not with the intent of causing lasting injury. It was a very common form of correction for centuries. However, modern studies have shown that it is not an effective form of discipline and can actually cause more inappropriate behavior rather than discouraging it. (Exploring the negative effects of corporal punishment and their causes is beyond the scope of this article, but many scholarly sources exist, including this one for those who'd like a place to start.) Why then does the Bible seem to encourage the practice? It is probable that these verses are referring to discipline in general. Rather than being prescribed a specific method of discipline, we are being commanded to teach our children the right way and correct their behavior when needed.

Second, let us consider other possible meanings of the word "rod" in the scriptures. It can refer to a shepherd's rod, used to guide sheep, giving them a gentle nudge in the right direction or even pulling them away from an incorrect or dangerous path (see Psalm 23:4). It can mean the rod of a ruler, which represents authority, either that of God or His chosen servants (see Exodus 4:2-5). It sometimes refers to a measuring rod used for determining lengths and distances (see Ezekiel 40:3). And finally, Latter-day Saints are very familiar with the symbolism of a rod representing the Word of God (see 1 Nephi 11:25). Any of these interpretations could be applied to the teaching and correction of our children. Like shepherds, we must watch over and protect our children, sometimes (or rather, often!) pointing them in the right direction and pulling them away from physical or spiritual danger until they reach the level of maturity where they can find the right path for themselves. We should teach our children to respect parental authority, as well as the authority of God. We should not shy away from regularly measuring our children's behavior against what God has commanded so we know when correction is necessary. And finally, we must remember to always nourish our children with the good word of God and teach them to hold firmly to it.

Finally, let us not forget that we are all children. All of us, no matter how old and learned, still make mistakes and need to be corrected from time to time. And we are all children of God, who is our Heavenly Father. He is perfectly wise, kind, just, patient, and merciful; in short, the perfect Parent. We needn't doubt that He corrects His children in whatever ways will be most effective at helping those willing to be taught so that they may learn, grow, and eventually obtain lasting happiness. In order to be successful parents ourselves, we would do well to consider the ways in which we have been corrected by God and how we can apply those principles to the teaching of our own children.

Make no mistake, we absolutely must discipline our children. We must correct them when needed, and sometimes that correction takes the form of appropriate punishment. But we must not forget that the ultimate reason for doing so is to help them learn to make correct choices of their own free will as they mature rather than doing so out of fear. And the best way to accomplish that is to correct with love.

Golden Counterfeits

Like a con-artist trying to trade us cheap brass trinkets in exchange for our gold, the world tries to promote its own systems of morality instead of the only one that will ultimately lead to mutual peace and good will. The exquisitely simple code of conduct that has come to be known as "The Golden Rule" can be found in all major religions today, and even some secular belief systems.

To be extra clear, the Golden Rule is not the same thing as the rule of reciprocity, or "tit for tat." This is the lesser law of "eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth" which is exhibited even by other animals in nature. Groups of certain mammal species, for instance, have been known to share food with other members who did not find as much when hunting or foraging on their own, but only if that member shares in turn when they have a good day and others aren't as lucky. This approach to life is satisfying to our sense of fairness and justice. But it is also, at its core, selfish. It essentially states that "I will only do good unto you if there's something in it for me."

Inspired religious and moral leaders of Confucianism, Buddhism, Hinduism, Judaism, Taoism, Zoroastrianism, and of course Jesus Christ Himself have taught that we can do so much better than this. To adopt the Golden Rule is to say, "I will do good unto you, even if you do not do so unto me." It has nothing to do with what you will get in return. It has everything to do with an inherent love for others, and--from a Christian perspective--a love for God. For remember that when we do unto others, we are doing so unto Him (Matthew 25:40).

We need each other

Believe it or not, I actually wasn't planning on this post to be done for Pride month. Kind of cool that it worked out that way though.

Frequently, the relationship between LGBTQ and religious communities (specifically, those that believe homosexual relations to be against God's commandments) has been adversarial at best. It's not hard to see why. Even ignoring the acts of hatred and bigotry that have been committed against LGBTQ persons in the name of religion, it can be difficult to reconcile the philosophy of "Hate the sin, love the sinner," when what one group considers to be fundamental to their identity is considered by the other to be sinful.

Perhaps it would be simpler if both sides could simply leave each other alone and allow each to live their lives according to their own beliefs of right and wrong. But not only would it be nearly impossible to isolate ourselves from each other so fully that we'd never come into conflict with each other, but we would also be much poorer for it.

I'm concerned by how blasé some are to the idea of forcing someone to go against their religious convictions (or punishing them for not doing so) and equating said convictions with hatred and bigotry. I understand the concern that not doing so will enable and embolden individuals who really are bigots and homophobes. But when it comes to a person's constitutionally protected right of free exercise of religion, we need a much more nuanced approach than painting them both with the same brush. We can and must differentiate between those who sincerely believe they are doing the best they can to obey God's commandments and those who really do treat LGBTQ persons with disdain, hatred, and contempt.

On the other hand, I think many well-meaning people of faith go beyond the mark when it comes to trying to live their religious convictions. When interacting with those from the LGBTQ community, consider what the Savior would do. Jesus spoke and ate with sinners, He associated with them, He blessed them, and He forgave them. And even if there were a single one of us who didn't fall under the category of "sinners," He commanded us to do the things He did. The commandments of God are not a scorched-earth policy. Just because something might make life easier for someone who is LGBTQ doesn't make it against the commandments. When in doubt, we ought to err on the side of inclusion, tolerance, and acceptance.

I'm not asking anybody to change their beliefs of right and wrong outright nor to stop fighting for what they believe to be just. I only wish for us all to try to understand one another, to assume the best about each other, and to love one another.

I myself am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I sustain the Church's leaders and their teachings, including the Proclamation to the World, which declares that "Marriage between man and woman is essential to [God's] eternal plan," and that "Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose." However, I also believe in the 11th Article of Faith and in allowing all men and women the privilege of living and worshiping (or not) as they so choose. I also believe that there are things that God has not yet revealed, but that He will in His own due time (9th Article of Faith). Perhaps He will reveal more on this particular subject when we are ready for it.

Moreover, we benefit when we expose ourselves to ideas that disagree with our own when they come from a place of sincerity and respect (which sometimes seems hard to come by, but such sources are out there). We also benefit when we treat ideas that reinforce what we already believe with a higher degree of scrutiny. It's okay to challenge our own beliefs. The ones that are true will withstand and the ones that are not will fall by the wayside where they belong.

I have gained invaluable friendships among those who identify as LGBTQ. Some of whom are among the most Christlike individuals I've met and have treated me with love and respect in spite of our differences. I hope that I have been a true friend to them in return. I've learned a lot from them and the discussions and occasional lively debates we've shared. From these experiences I know one thing: we are better together. We can't just assume that we have all the answers. We benefit when we challenge one another but do so in a spirit of love and a desire to make ourselves and each other better.

I don't have all the answers. I, like so many, am doing the best that I can to follow what I believe to be God's will for me. I seek often to reevaluate where I am and where He wants me to be, and I believe that to be true about others who are sincerely trying to learn what's right. I don't know all the reasons why we so often come to different conclusions (I may write about that particular topic in the future). But I do believe that the more we humble ourselves, sincerely seek the truth, and are willing to correct ourselves when needed, we will come closer to the truth.

Sincerely wishing everyone a Happy Pride Month. 🏳‍🌈 God loves you, and so do I. And those are two things that I do know for sure.

As Precious in His Sight

In the middle of Jacob's sermon to his people, he rebuked them for their pride in thinking themselves better than those who were poorer or otherwise less fortunate than they. In the middle of his stinging words we encounter this phrase, which serves as a chastisement to the wicked, but also a comfort to those who may feel forgotten or cast out. Society may look at some with a critical eye; those who are not beautiful, rich, educated, or simply normal enough. But remember that God loves all His children equally. Every one of His children is precious to Him. We ought to remember the Golden Rule and treat them as such: the way we would want to be treated, and the way we know God would treat us.

This is my second Sour Peppers commission. If you would like a scripture or other inspirational quote illustrated similar to the one above, check out my commissions page.

You Are Loved

I love my LGBT+ friends and family. We don't always see eye to eye; we have some differences of opinion regarding the politics and morality of LGBT+ issues. But I admire everyone who is doing the best they know how to do what's right, even when that leads them to believe and act differently than me. I also believe that God is merciful, and will take each person's sincere desires to do good into account. I love you and I know that God loves you.

This is the first time I've shown Ine here in the Sour Peppers style. I've mentioned here before that the feathered lizard character represents me. But he's also a character in my webcomic. I originally created the version below, styled after the comic, as a telegram sticker. (For those unfamiliar, when a character is missing eyes or face, etc. it means they can be used to represent anyone, rather than a specific person.)

If you'd like, you can add the sticker pack that includes this sticker by clicking here. However, drumming up extra traffic for my webcomic wasn't my intention. I didn't want to inadvertently take advantage of Pride Month for my own benefit. Which is why I shared this with some of my friends only at first, and am now sharing it publicly in July. I don't know if that's just me thinking too hard or worrying too much, but there you have it. I wanted to do something to show my love for those who are LGBT+, regardless of any difference in lifestyle, belief, etc. Obviously I hope my words and actions in real life and online are more than adequate to communicate my love. Still, I hope this token shows that I do care.

My greatest fear

I think the above image is my first time making something even remotely resembling “vent art.” It represents my feelings of vulnerability and insecurity. For those who may not know, this is Ine. He’s a main character from my webcomic, Aww, Feathers! but also represents myself in many ways. Over on awwfeathers.com I use another character, Lark, to represent myself as the creator of the webcomic. But Ine is still the character who most feels like me. Especially when I’m feeling unsure or afraid.

Letting people down. Leaving important things undone. Failing to provide for those who depend on me. Or worst of all, causing harm where I meant to do good. I realized just the other day that those are the things I fear most. The fears that most occupy my mind. It's usually not severe or unremitting. But I feel it often, usually as a dull uneasiness in the back of my mind, and occasionally for brief periods of a more severe form of anxiety.

I fear letting my children down, either by losing my temper or by not paying them enough attention or spending enough quality time with them. I fear letting my wife down, either by demanding too much or giving too little. I don't really fear death; at least, it doesn't occupy my thoughts (though my nightmares are sometimes another story). Rather, I fear leaving my family behind before they're ready for me to go, and before I’ve prepared a safe and comfortable future for them.

I still wonder if I let Jakiro down (our bearded dragon who died a few months ago). Dang it, why does that still hurt so much?! I suppose it's because she was our first family pet, and also that she was so small and utterly dependent on us. Even baby humans can cry when they need something. But with her, all we could do was research, seek advice from her vet, and at the end of the day, guess at what would be best for her. How long did she suffer in silence before we even realized something was wrong? Maybe there's more I could have done to keep her healthy. I certainly could have taken her out more. Was she happy? As happy as a lizard can be anyway? I'd like to get another animal companion one day, but I'm afraid of the same thing happening again...

I fear letting my job down. They've been good to me. I don't always agree with their decisions, but that seems barely worth mentioning; in a company of over 400 employees (or is it 500 now?) I can't expect to be the one that's perfectly happy with everything that happens. Moreover, it's apparent they care about their customers, their employees, and even their employees’ families. I want to do the work that's expected of me and help the company to thrive. I want to be an excellent employee, but fear that I sometimes fall short of that mark.

I fear letting the readers of my webcomic down. Aww, Feathers! started as a passion project. Even if I never made a nickel from it, I would still do it, because it's been a fun and even personal journey for both myself and my wife. But over time it's evolved into more. I've received compliments from a significant number of readers who find it entertaining, touching, refreshingly down-to-earth, and also clean; the fact that I'm committed to making a family friendly furry comic is of particular importance to many readers. I worry about the quality of my work sometimes, but not much. I've seen enough improvements in my art and writing skills to believe that that problem will take care of itself in time. But it's the "time" part that worries me. I fear letting readers down by not being able to update it as often as I’d like. It makes me happy to think that something I've created is a legitimately positive part of somebody's life. But I fear not being able to continue to deliver that due to time constraints.

I fear letting my friends down. I want to be there for my friends when they struggle. I want to listen and understand and give sound advice when it's asked for. But what if I'm not able to be there at the moment they need me most? What if I give the wrong advice? What if they catch me in a moment of weakness, and I do or say the wrong thing and it ends up hurting them or our friendship? How many times has that already happened with old friends I never hear from anymore?

I even fear letting myself down. I have hopes and dreams for myself too. I want to be self-employed someday, using technology in interesting ways (apps and games especially, but comics and other digital art as well) to tell stories that positively impact those who experience them. I would also love to have more time to myself to just read, play games, or do other things I enjoy simply because I enjoy them. I can't help feeling a little selfish in those desires though, which feeds right back into my fear of letting others down.

Most distressing of all... I sometimes fear letting God down. In "A Grief Observed," C.S. Lewis says (I'm paraphrasing) that we never know how strong our beliefs are until they become a matter of life and death. I believe in God, I believe in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, and I believe in the teachings of the Church. But while those beliefs have been tested from time to time, I don't think those tests have ever reached the level that C.S. Lewis describes. When I stare down into the throat of hell and God tells me to jump, trusting that He will catch me... will I jump?

I've been hesitant to put these thoughts down, to make myself "emotionally naked" in front of anyone who reads them. Not so much out of shame. Rather, once again, I don't want to let people down. I'm supposed to be strong, a city on a hill, a light on a candlestick (Matthew 5:14-15). Does it worry others to hear about my insecurities? Does it make them question my strength or integrity?

The stupid irony of all this is that obsessing over my fear of letting people down actually makes me more likely to let them down. On top of that, I know that many of these fears are irrational. I know that I have many wonderful friends and family who support and stand by me, and an amazing wife who loves me in spite of my weaknesses. Still, it doesn't make the fear feel less real. But then what do I do with it? What can I do with it? We’ve been commanded to “be not afraid,” (Mark 5:36, for example) and I believe that God always provides a way to obey His commandments (1 Nephi 3:7). How then can I overcome this fear of letting people down?

Once I recognized and identified the fear, the above words came so easily, like a dam finally breaking. But along with those thoughts and emotions there was a single phrase: “love casteth out fear.” As soon as I could, I searched for those words, and found them in 1 John 4:18: “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear…” I felt some hope and reassurance from those words. Unlike the ease with which the torrent of words about my greatest fears came however, I’ve had to go looking and soul searching to find the ways in which love can cast out those fears. But I did find them. And when I did, I felt better about sharing my thoughts.

I love my God. And I know He loves me. He already knows my fears and my weaknesses. He wants me to be constantly improving myself. But He is also infinitely patient. He knows when I’m doing the best I know how, and takes my honest intentions into account. He may yet require difficult things from me. But I love Him and trust Him. Because of that, I am confident that, though I may stumble, I will eventually rise to whatever challenge comes my way.

I love myself. I’ve come a long way. I’m so grateful for the progress I’ve made and for the things I’ve been able to accomplish. Not that I wish to boast of my own accomplishments; I don’t consider myself any better than anybody else. Nor do I want to become complacent. But as I seek to continue to grow and improve, I will acknowledge my successes at least as much as my failures and will thank God for them. I will allow myself to take part in wholesome recreation and set aside time for it, because it’s important in its own right. I will exercise moderation in the type and amount of entertainment I consume, but I will allow myself to enjoy it without feeling guilty for it. I also won’t give up on my dream of self-employment. That will likely be a long journey, but I’m game to try.

I love my friends. Over time I’ve developed the ability to listen and empathise, and I will continue to develop and utilize that gift. When asked for advice or answers to difficult questions, I will respond to the best of my ability, but I will also be humble enough to acknowledge my own limited understanding and point them to someone who can serve them better, such as a doctor, counselor, or other professional, their parents, religious leaders, or God.

I love Aww, Feathers! It’s important enough to me that I’ve sought God’s guidance on how to proceed with it on multiple occasions, and I’ve felt that it is a project that I should continue. I’m glad that I’ve done so, in spite of the challenge it has been. I’ve seen good things come from it, and I’ve got plenty more plans for it. I have wonderful fans who have been understanding when I’ve occasionally had to delay a new page. Though I’ve also tried to reward their patience with something small but fun. I’ll continue to update the story, but I will also seek a good balance so that it doesn’t drain every remaining drop of my energy and free time, as it occasionally has in the past.

I love my job. I love the people I work with. And I love the children that our product serves. I enjoy programming very much. I sometimes wish I could be programming different things, but there are still fun and interesting things to do at my work. I know I’m a good programmer. I’ve received many compliments at work, and the results of my work also speak for themselves. It is sometimes a challenge to stay focused on the job, but I’ve been getting better at that. I’ll take short breaks throughout the day to stay fresh, and then when I’m supposed to be working, I will work diligently and continue to show my employers that I am a valuable part of the company.

I loved Jakiro while she was with us, and love the memories we have of her. I did my best to prepare a safe and comfortable home for her and to keep it clean and to feed her right. I know I made some mistakes in my care for her. But it wasn’t for lack of wanting and really trying to do the right thing, even at significant expense of time and money. And besides that, the vet strongly suspects she had been sick for a long time without us knowing, maybe even from the day we first got her. There’s no way to know if I could have done anything different. But I do know I cared about her. And I love and care about all of God’s creatures. If I were to get another, I know I would love them too and do my best to take care of them.

I love my wife and my children. That love motivates me to become a better husband and father. I quickly recognize and seek forgiveness for my mistakes--a habit I learned from my own earthly father. And I know that my wife loves me, not just in spite of my weaknesses, but because I’ve been willing to share them with her and to be exposed and vulnerable in front of her. I enjoy spending time with my wife and each of my children, and will try to regularly set aside time for them, together and individually.

I still fear letting people down. But I’m determined not to let that fear control me or paralyze me. I know I will let people down, in spite of my best efforts, because I am imperfect. But I also love people. It’s easy for me to love. So I will allow that love into my heart at the times I feel afraid, and let that love motivate me to do what I can, and leave the rest in God’s more than capable hands.

If the image above was my way of venting feelings of anxiety and vulnerability, the one below is an expression of hope and gratitude. Like me, Ine experiences moments of fear and doubt, but also times of clarity and peace. It’s oddly fitting that my first piece of “vent art” is accompanied by my first attempt at depicting the Savior (that I can recall, anyway). I believe it is because of Him that I can overcome fear and weakness. “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me” (Philippians 4:13).

Love Thy Enemies

Is there any person or even group of people you have a strong dislike for? Perhaps someone who's mistreated you or hurt you deeply? Is there anyone for whom your animosity is so great you would label them an "enemy?" Turns out we're supposed to love them too, and even pray for them. The next time you feel angry at someone, try praying for them. Ask God to bless them with happiness. You might be surprised to find your own heart softened.